your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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