It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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