There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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