dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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