i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
