Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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