Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Im part way to drunk.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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