May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
