i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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