Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
