maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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