i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
