I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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