turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
