Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
