butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
