i wish starbucks made bloody marys
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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