people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
