I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
