oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
