There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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