about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
