dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
