real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
