gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
