This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
