i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
