I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
