dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
