do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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