So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
