The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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