Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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