dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
