he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
