no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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