no, he came in my armpit
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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