So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
