Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
