I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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