hotel room ftw
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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