The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
