im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
