Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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