You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
