I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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