there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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