Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
