Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
