i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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