everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
