if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
