what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
