found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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