on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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