Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
