Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
