I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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